"I'm surrounded by _useless_ software!"

"Didn't you write the software?"

"That doesn't make it any less useless!"

-- child held captive next to university pool trying to make submarines go while
sitting in a way that will surely reduce his lifespan

and remember: the best way to spite your elementary
school is not including them in the "biography" part
of that textbook chapter you co-authored.

:wq!
[email protected]:~$ 

Welp.

You found my great hidden secret. Good job. Yay.

I am really lazy though, so this hastily written pandocified markdown is all you get.

The book is real, by the way – you can get it for the low sum of 300 dollars of which nothing gets anywhere close to the authors; such is the life of academia, sadly. I only got a physical copy by badgering Springer.

I even still have the author proofs!

The submarine is also real, go try and find me on its site

Uh, I’m running out of ideas. Go look at my GitHub. Did you know I made a url-shortener (g.mm12.xyz/<repo>) for it to fit more repos in uni application “extra info” sections? No-one ever looked at it… and I religiously check my server logs.

Wasn’t this supposed to be a reflection on my time at Bloor? None of the jokes in the quote came from Bloor.

Anyways, thank you for finding this hidden joke. I have no idea how since I don’t know if yearbook decided to actually include my entire original quote since it was kind of long. Or maybe I actually bothered to hide a barcode in my signature. I haven’t sent it yet as I write this, and I’m tempted to send them a GPG block or something. Or no, I should send them my GPG key id… if I had one. Too much spam potential.

And as far as I know, they haven’t found this either, since as mentioned above I check the server logs way too much.

– Matthew